Dance Me Over The Threshold - Art Of Birth Workshop

This is what we read, and what we created in our Art of Birth workshop today

Dance Me Over The Threshold

We have been waiting for this dance, you and I.

Holding our breath,

Biding our time,

Waiting for the right moment,

The right music,

The right night.

Listening for the first few quiet notes to tell us that the dance has begun.

May I give this dance?

To take your hand.

This will be for you and I alone, The music only ours.

And so we dance,

Together,

Softly at first, the rhythm gentle, the music quiet.

Our first few tentative steps into the unknown.

The tempo builds slowly,

I roll my body in time with our music and you lie spell bound, rocked by the waves of our dance.

The music plays out like an orchestral masterpiece, the different parts, the rises and falls, the cues, the crescendos, 

And I dance and sway and sing, and am swept along by the music and the rhythm and the dance.

I dance ferociously, uninhibited.

I dance the dance of the wild woman, of all those who have gone before me.

I dance for life and love and the great mysteries of the universe.

I dance for the past and the future and the very moment of the dance.

And I dance until I am exhausted, and I feel like I can’t dance another step,

But the music continues.

And the women, the wives and daughters, the mothers and lovers, all those who have danced before that I might be blessed with my own dance,

Those who have danced hold me up,

And breathe gentle kisses onto my tired limbs and whisper secrets of the universe into my open heart.

And you take my hand and lead me back to the dance,

And now we really dance together.

The music so loud and the rhythm so strong that I am powerless to refuse.

Our bodies dancing as one in the final moments, until we dance so beautifully and so powerfully that we become two.

And I dance you over the threshold of life.

The universe holds its breath,

And we are suspended, you and I, in the space between worlds.

Set free by the music, released by the dancing.

Then we breathe, and sigh,

And I take you in my arms and know that we danced a good dance.

Josie x 

Kate's Free-Birthing of baby Ocean

Josie meets Ocean

In her own words...

On Saturday i asked Mum to have the girls overnight so that we could go walk on the beach, and hopefully get things moving.  Well, 35mins walking at James' speed in the freezing cold wind was enough to do me in!  I went home to bed and had a fantastic nights sleep. The girls came home the next morning and as Freya was feeling ill we had a a quiet indoor day.  Rest, rest and more rest, it felt perfect.  I think inside, by mid-afternoon I knew that the baby was going to come that night.  I was having regular tightenings but no pain, and I made a conscious decision not to time them or pay too much attention to them as I didn't want to feel like I was 'in' labour until my body was really ready to do something about it.

The girls went to bed early and easily that night and I felt like you do just before an exam. - There was nothing more I could do, no more meditating, journalling or researching unnassisted birth would make a blind bit of difference. Instead I kicked back to watch junk television and eat biscuits, I went to bed early.

At 2am I went for a wee and even before I got there I knew it had started, although i'd still felt nothing.  I did a wee, stood up and felt a trickle.  I smiled.  Hmm, what now?  I went downstairs and sat on the edge of the sofa for a few minutes wondering if I should light the fire, or wake James.  I felt a surge and stood up, no, I'm just gonna ride with this.  I liked the dark and I felt that doing it on my own was what I had really planned deep down inside for a while.  I wanted to own this birth completely and not have to worry about what anyone else was thinking or feeling at that time.

For quite a time I stood and spiralled my hips through each surge, singing 'the river is flowing' gently to myself and feeling ecstatic that I was going to meet my baby soon. When they started to ramp up a little i got into meditation mode and called the energy from the Great Mother, grounding myself deeply before asking for healing gold light from the father above and calling in my spirit guide who is at this time an ancient midwife.  I felt ready to move forward.  I got some water and went and sat on my birthing ball leaning on the stair pillar.  I remembered reading somewhere that your contractions can never be bigger than you because they are you, and so I thought I would focus on getting my breathing down to a really gentle level, really relaxing in to each contraction.  This gave me a break for quite a while.  I felt the desire to stand and my waters went with a gush.  I remember thinking 'great, we're really going to get on with it now', and sure enough the next surge was a lot more powerful.  I moved on to a kneeling crouch hanging over pillows in the corner of the sofa and working with each surge.  My singing was getting louder now and i had to work hard to stay in control, I didn't want to wake the family too early and have to concentrate on anything other than what I was doing.  When i felt I needed a poo I got up and had another full on surge.  Walking up the stairs was hard work!

When I got there I had to cling on the bannister and sing.  There was no being quiet now.  This woke Lilly and I called James, he came out and told me he'd been listening for about half an hour waiting for me to call him, he told me he was proud of me, I sounded like I was doing great.  This really helped to reassure me, and i moved in to the bathroom as he went to sort out the girls.

Thankfully having read 'Hello, baby' many times they weren't at all phased and were soon settled down to watch Mary Poppins in their bedroom whilst I was roaring away in the bathroom.  I had tried to sit on the loo and it felt really wrong. 

James came to check on me and i asked him to get the shower going and put some towels down in the bath.  I had felt for a while that Ocean wanted to be born in to water, but having a bit of a phobia of baths I didn't do anything about.  Getting in the shower was bliss, it gave me a few moments peace before i had a really strong urge to push, i reached down and felt I wasn't quite ready but the urge told me to push.  I went in to a full deep squat and the urge to push just wouldn't stop.  I roared and out came the head, but so did a load of blood, I yelled to James to call the hospital to send a midwife as I was bleeding.  ( Throughout my whole unassisted pregnancy my only fear had been hemorrage).  James called them and they and told him to call the paramedics whilst they kept the line open, meanwhile I had another urge to push.  I roared again and out came his little body, with a lot more blood.  I remember looking down and noticing that he had two arms, two legs, everything was where it should be.  I couldn't believe it, i had done it!!!! I'd freebirthed!!!!

I yelled to James and the girls that he was here, but the girls were watching a good bit of Mary Poppins and James was still on the phone.  I got out of the shower with Ocean in my arms feeling amazing, but there was another big spolsh of blood come out.  James ran upstairs and wrapped us both in towels, the paramedics had advised him that i needed to lie on my left and they would be there in three minutes.  They turned up and a minute after that a midwife turned up.  I consented to her checking me and it turns out that although i had some tears there was nothing to major to worry about, she sent the paramedics away and James set about cleaning up the blood (the girls were fascinated by it all and ran around saying there's more blood here, and here, pointing it out to each other).

Jane (the midwife) was fantastic and stayed for a cup of tea and wanted to check that the bleeding settled after I passed the placenta.  I did consent to having the injection (can't remember what it's called) after I had birthed the placenta, just because there had been a lot of blood loss already.  Ocean was here, beautiful, and his birth and placenta had not been affected by any drugs or interventions in any way..

All in all I can say that this was the most powerful experience of my life,  I had achieved everything that I wanted and I felt immense pride and satisfaction that my experience had confirmed to me everything that i had believed and worked toward in the last year.  I completely owned this birth experience, it is something that should be every woman's birth right.  James also feels that he got more out of this birth, even though he was less involved.  Having his role as protector and organiser made him really feel valuable and involved, and the girls loved being here when he was born.

Thank you Josie for all those classes, many times throughout the labour, and the weeks previously I used techniques and information I had learned to help me, Ocean was born at approx 6am on Lilly's third birthday 09-01-2012, our family is now complete.

Hannah's Unassisted Birthing of Freya

In her own words..

Hello, Freya is 3 days old now and I finally have time to write some words about her birth :)

So Friday 23rd my contractions started but it was stop-start-stop-start. The longest break I got was about half hour.

Labour didn't progress much over the weekend but Christmas Day Eve I started leaking fluid. On boxing Day Eve I informed labour ward as the contractions were also stronger. A lovely midwife came out and examined me (my choice as I had been contracting for so long I needed to know if anything had happened) I was 2-3cm but stretchy and between 50-75% effaced. Nothing much happened the rest of the night and I went to bed.

On 27th another MW was on call and she was awful, she wanted me to go in for a pitocin induction and cont monitoring due to PROM but I refused, she stalked me the whole day, ringing constantly, told me not to use birth pool as it increases risk of infection & even questioned my plans to tandem feed!! In the end my labour came to a halt, I knew she would arrive if things kicked off and I did not feel safe to birth my baby. She was still on duty on the Wednesday and I had had a big bloody show but I got OH to screen phonecalls and make excuses for me. She told him all the 'risks' and asked him what our plans were to which he replied 'to stay at home and have a baby'. We went out for a drive and came back to 5 missed calls from her and she had even turned up when we were out. We nick named her stalker madwife.

In the afternoon of the 28th another MW took over, she was amazing, came out to see me, trusted in me. She was happy with me & baby and told me to forget about having a baby, watch a film, order a takeaway & have an orgasm ;) She was the best thing that happened as I really relaxed.

Thursday 29th I woke up to a big contraction but went back to sleep. 10am I had another (OH got up with the kids) and went to the loo to have a gush of fluid - waters had def gone this time - yay!! I realised the leaking must have been a hind water leak.

Throughout the day contractions got stronger but whenever MW (the lovely one from boxing day who I really liked) arrived it all slowed down - think I had white coat syndrome! By 8pm I was in pain and asked her to examine me - I was 3-4cm and no more effaced than Monday! Could not believe it! I sent MW and my Doula home and we ordered Pizza, I was having painful contractions but I wasnt sure if this was it as nothing seemed to be happening!! I was sounding through every contraction and needing to rest on Toby. Toby said the sounding sounded so different when I was actually in labour than when I had practiced.

I called everyone back at 11 as I was in pain. we talked and labour seemed to carry on progressing so I wanted to get in the pool. MW advised best not to quite yet as it may slow labour down so I asked her to examine me at midnight to see where we were. I was still only 3-4 cm but cervix was more central. MW suggested I take some paracetamol and try to sleep, I was devastated and told her I was convinced baby was going to be born within a few hours so could not understand why I was not dilating.

Bed was a bad idea, could not sleep, asked DH to rub my back and he fell asleep mid contraction - I flew out of bed and ran downstairs! I had had enough! I told my Doula I needed more pain relief and she gave me some homeopathy to help back labour, I was upset as baby was no back to back yet the contractions were so intense I could feel them EVERYWHERE. She phoned the MW who said to let me get in the pool & she would be over about 4am. At 230 the pool was ready. Climbing in was a massive relief, the water seemed to absorb my contractions and finally I felt I could cope!

At about 3am I felt restless, I couldn't cope again and was telling myself I needed to get out the pool and transfer to hospital as a cesarean or epidural seemed like a good idea - I now realise this was transition but I had convinced myself it could not be as a few hours ago I was less than 5cm.

Then at 305 I needed to push, Dana (my doula) and my other half heard the noise and immediately called my MW then 999 - with the first contraction I put my hand down and could feel her head, I was told by Dana to get out of the pool (she was talking to emergency services) but I refused, I felt it was safer for me to stay there. Dana jumped in the pool on the phone to emergency services and followed their instruction. Second contraction and the head was born - 3rd contraction and Freya was born at 315am.

I sat back in the pool and fed her, she was awake and alert. 5 mins later paramedics and MW arrived, MW asked to cut the cord as she wanted to check baby over, I let her as I wanted the reassurance she was ok. MW sent paramedics away and I got out of the pool - placenta arrived at 340 naturally and we cracked open the champagne at 345!

I was checked over and had no tears just a couple of internal grazes. I felt on top of the world!

It was the most intense, amazing experience of my life and had restored my faith in birth, such a healing experience after a traumatic first birth.

The only things I would have changed were the vaginal exams, they set me back emotionally which is why I did not recognise transition. I also would not have informed the hospital about the waters leaking and I would have refused to let the cord be cut so early - in fact the only things I would have changed were things involving the medical profession ;)

One thing I will say is that Freya is a completely different baby to Amelia, she fed immediately after the birth, she is more contented and alert. There has been no issues with breastfeeding and it feels like she has been here forever! I also feel differently, I was on a real after the birth and managed to get showered and dressed within a few hours. Amelia was poorly after her traumatic birth, didn;t breastfeed until about day 4 (she was admitted to SCBU) and I felt awful, drained, tired & uncomfortable. I don't know if that is coincidence but to me the two very different outcomes speaks volumes!
xxx

A Birth - baby Aidan Daniel Sothcott

Receiving the call on tuesday 21/09 from Bristol was the most crazy thing. The day we had been waiting for, the day that we were prepared to meet our baby boy for the first time. They told us to make our way there for 12.30 that afternoon and so we hurried around the house packing the last few bits and jumped in the car. A journey has never taken so long (or so it felt) and the whole way I put myself into my bubble and tried to regulate my breathing - no singing along to Robbie for me!


We arrived a little late and to our dismay, told by a midwife that they were really too busy and it may be a while before the induction could be started. However, 5 minutes later another midwife appeared with some rubber gloves and a pessary and told me to lay on my back! Baby was monitored for about 20 minutes and we were then left for the day. I began to feel definate cramps but was told that it was just pain from the drugs and so she inserted another at 8pm. After an hour, I was curled up in pain, breathing forgotten and crying my eyes out. I managed to forget everything I had been taught.

At 2am it all stopped and I was thrilled to get a little rest.. then I realised that it had stopped completely and our boy wasn't going to arrive anytime soon.

Wednesday, a stronger gel was inserted but still no luck other than small twinges.


The doctors decided to break my waters at 2.45am meaning minimal sleep for all of us (mum stayed with Dan and I until I had shown signs on progression).

I was settled with a little gas and air for the VE and breaking of waters as it was so painful due to my cervix not playing ball. The waters, however, should definately have been called rivers as there was the biggest explosion!

After 2 hours of walking around the delivery suite, there was still no progress so the Syntocin was inserted at 6am. This got things moving very quickly and the TENS was soon on. With the midwife trying to push the epidural saying that the two things "go together" I was determined to do it my way and declined, using a LOT of sounding and the TENS going up and up. I was having contractions hard and very close together, usually coming in pairs but still only 2cm dilated yet fully effaced.

At 1pm it all got a bit too much using only the sounding so I had the epidural. Gas and air helped me again to stay still and breathe through the contractions. I was immediately calm and sat in the upright position from the relaxation exercise practiced in class for the rest of the labour.


An hour later, things began to go downhill.. Baby's heartbeat had slown down to about 50 and into the room came an abundance of midwives, doctors plus the senior. She then decided to perform a FBS and did so, while finding out I had become fully dilated in the last hour and easily feel my boy's full head of hair. They then took no time in urging me to push. Dan came back in the room having grabbed a cup of tea while the on call team for my baby were made aware that he was going to be arriving soon.

Dan and a student doctor held each of my hands as I spent the next hour and 15 minutes pushing (the senior using the ventouse). The "newborn emergency stabalisation team" were in the room as he was delivered and immediately handed to them.

I can truly say that hearing the words "I'm so sorry, we can't start your baby's heart" was the worst moment of my entire life. I dived under the bed sheets while Dan continued to watch them work at him. After 20 minutes the machines kicked into action and there were huge sighs of relief filling the room. From the worst moment, came the best moment and after another hour, we were allowed to see our beautiful baby boy in NICU.

Tandi

A Birth - baby Effie Welch

Lyn’s Birthing Story
According to the sonographer my baby was due on the 16th September 2010. The date duly arrived and departed with no sign of bump putting in an appearance and having seen my midwife who desperately wanted to do a cervical sweep I was determined that this baby was coming out with as little medical interference as possible. I spent the weekend eating copious amounts of fresh pineapple, drinking raspberry leaf tea, having sex and smiling nicely at everyone who suggested that castor oil was the way to go!

I was delighted when on Monday morning I had a definite 'show' and spent the day gazing aimless at the fish tank whilst bouncing on my ball, all plans of going shopping forgotten whilst fielding phone calls and text messages from everyone asking if anything was happening (sixth sense seemed to have kicked in among female friends and relations!) Lack of food in the house resulted in us having to make a trip to Tesco, where I wandered aimlessly until at the checkout I had my first proper, unmistakeable contraction. I spent the rest of the evening leaning over my birth ball and slowly the contractions built during the night until they were coming regularly every 30 minutes. As dawn approached I began to get slightly longer gaps of about 45 minutes followed by 3 contractions which were closer together. Dan and I decided that he would go to work on the proviso that he wasn’t too far away and could drop everything if needed. The contractions continued with this pattern through the morning, and after a phone call from Josie advising that I went back to bed to help my hormone levels increase. That is exactly what I did. I spent the day watching chick flicks, and attempting to sleep but in reality doing little more than shutting my eyes.

By the time Dan returned from work the contractions were much more consistent and powerful at about 15 minute intervals. Dan cooked me tea and massaged my lower back while I continued lying over the birthing ball. By 10pm the contractions were 10 minutes apart and I decided I wanted to put on the Tens machine. I had it on level 2 as anything higher was highly irritating, but in all honesty didn’t do too much to help ease the pain.

At 11.30pm the contractions were approximately 7 minutes apart and taking my full attention, looking through the notes from the couples workshop we had attended

Dan thought I was probably in the deciding phase. By this point I was trying really hard to control my breathing and Dan was being a rock and trying to calm me down and encouraging me to remember what we had been taught in class and at the workshop.

At 12.30am on Wednesday with regular contractions at 5 min intervals Dan phoned the hospital. After talking to the midwife through a contraction she announced that I was probably only in the early stages of labour, at most 2 to 3 cms dilated, and that this could continue for another 24 hours! Her advice was to take 2 paracetamol and go to bed! At this point I do remember uttering the words "If this is only early labour I want a c-section" I was convinced I was actually further along.

Within the hour my contractions were 2 -3 minutes apart and we phoned the hospital again, we were told to come in before they phoned back to say they would send the on- call midwife to see me. As I wanted to stay at home for as long as possible this seemed like a good idea, although whilst waiting for her to arrive Dan started to believe we would be having a home birth! Pat arrived at 2.15am mid contraction (by now I was sounding through each one) and did an examination only to discover that I was actually 7-8cm dilated and maybe we should head to hospital fairly sharpish! She phoned ahead and arranged for us to have a room with a birthing pool and then we all headed up the bumpy lane to the hospital, having warned Dan that I wouldn’t sit in the van quietly and she would follow us just in case we needed to stop on the way!

Knowing that I had got to this stage with very little pain relief gave me a real boost and boded well for the natural birth I wanted. I was really excited and positive on my arrival at hospital that felt I could do this and that meeting bump was going to be happening sometime soon! With everything going to plan, and monitor showing that we had a very chilled out baby I quickly progressed to 9cm dilated and got into the pool. The warm water and the gas and air was working wonders and I was feeling really positive and empowered at 4am I had urges to push, and at 4.40am I was told that my waters had broken and baby would be with us shortly.

5 then 6 o’clock passed but still no sign of the baby. Monitoring via the Doppler showed she was still very relaxed and her heartbeat absolutely fine. At 7am I reluctantly got out of the pool, as contractions had slowed down again and I knew that gravity was going to help me deliver my baby so got myself into a kneeling position using the back of the bed for support. It was at this point I decided to tell the world that gas and air was fab and memorise the sign on the bottom of the bed during every contraction. I can’t remember the exact words now although I assured everyone at the time I definitely would but it was something about removing bits of the bed before moving it!

8am brought a midwife change and at 9am after another examination I was told I was still only 9cm dilated and that my waters hadn’t broken and that this was stopping me from dilating fully.

She also began to question whether bump was actually back out as she had a feeling that it was back to back. Waters broken I continued in the forward kneeling posture in the hope that making a hammock would encourage bump to move around. 10,11, 12.00 o’clock passed and contractions had died off slightly but baby was still very chilled. Jane the midwife did another examination only to find I was still only 9cm dilated. With very little sleep for 36 hrs I was exhausted and running low on energy despite Lucozade glucose tablets and snacks.

Jane my midwife was aware of my birth plan and respected it but advised it maybe time to try something else in order to help me get bump out sooner. After consulting with another midwife they advised Syntocine and an epidural (my biggest fear) I knew that this would mean that baby needed to be monitored continuously. I really didn’t want to give in but had nothing left to give. I was petrified of the epidural but Dan talked me into it and supported me whilst the epidural was administered. Fortunately he had been investigating different forms of induction and knew that I would really struggle without the relief from the epidural.

I was really surprised by my epidural as I had expected not to be able to feel anything, but I was aware of the consistency of my contractions and could still move my legs which meant that when I was told at 2.30pm I was fully dilated and could begin pushing I was able to get myself into several different positions on the bed where I was able to bear down etc despite the wires and tubes attached to various bits of me. Jane was really supportive of this and chased bump around with the monitoring equipment as best she could.

4pm saw another midwife change and I was really pleased that it was Josie one of the Ilfracombe midwives that I had seen during the course of my pregnancy. She came in with a fresh boost of energy and enthusiasm which really helped lift my spirits. After an hour and a half of pushing there was still no baby. Baby’s head was visible but not shifting and I was exhausted. After consulting the doctor it was decided that a ventouse delivery was required as baby was most definitely back to back. By this point I was in my own little bubble and was only vaguely aware of what was going on around me all I knew was that I was going to meet my baby soon and that this time it would actually happen! The world and his neighbour seemed to enter the delivery room at this point and I remember being told that it all depended on me to listen to instructions. Apparently I was told the ventouse delivery was a 50/50 chance and I had to put everything I had into getting this baby out next contraction I pushed with all I had left.

At 5.32pm, 48 hours after the contractions started, I had my beautiful daughter Effie weighing 9lb2oz with a 38.5cm circumference head in my hands plus an episiotomy cut and third degree tear and it didn’t matter a bit!

It wasn’t the delivery I had hoped for by any means but I wouldn't change the experience I had for the world. I learnt so much about myself and Dan and I'm really proud of the fact that I managed to get to 8cm dilated at home with no pain relief. I stayed calm and relaxed and knew what was coming so was prepared for the next stage of labour and knew how to help myself by using different positions thanks to classes and the couples’s workshop.

I am so thankful that Dan and I attended the couple’s workshop as Dan took everything on board and researched everything. As a result he was the best birth partner I could have wished for, and his support was what got me through.

I also like to say a huge thank you to Josie and everyone in class for all their words of wisdom. I learnt so much from you all and I know that if I hadn’t attended active birth classes, I would have given in and ended up demanding a caesarean probably on Monday

Tandi Update

Despite contractions building up yesterday they stopped shortly after midnight. Tandi was able to get some rest, and they will try again this morning.

Thoughts for Tandi

Please can everyone spare a few thoughts For Tandi, Dan, and their baby boy. They went up to Bristol this morning, and at the time of writing this, she had had prostin about 3 hours ago, but apart from a few niggles, not a lot happening. She has been in regular contact via text today, so I will post again if I get updated.

They have got a mountain to climb, and Tandi knows that she has the thoughts of all the women she has been at class with, and all their support behind her. If you get a moment over the next few hours and days, please just send your positive thoughts to her, imagine how relieved you will feel when you hear how well they are both doing, and think of how honoured we will all be when we finally get to meet her strong little boy.

I have lit a candle for them, and will continue to do so whilst I am at home and able, until I hear that they are both safe and well. Their little boy has so many obstacles to overcome, I am sure we can all find a little space in our thoughts for him.

If you want to send messages to Tandi and Dan, please leave them as a comment to this post and I will pass them on.

love, Josie

A Birth - Baby Ithan Saul Hancock

In his mothers words;

Ithan Saul Hancock 31st of July 2010


I woke up at 7 in the morning, despite having been up half the night with Rosa, my teethy two year old. I thought that I felt a tiny pop but thought I’d probably imagined it as Ithan wasn’t due for another 10 days.

 I tried to go back to sleep and drifted a bit but started to feel like the baby was poking me really low down and so decided to get up and make tea. When I got out of bed I noticed a small wet patch and started to wonder if baby might on his way.

I wrote my diary for a while wondering if it was really happening and cursing the fact that we had decided to start decorating the dining room the day before so the house was total chaos. Not the lovely clean tidy environment I’d imagined giving birth in at all!

By 8.30 the poking feelings had turned into definite period type cramps and I had to go to the loo for a huge pooh so I thought it really must be happening and I’d better wake Gareth up and tell him the baby was on his way. As things were still really quite mellow I didn’t feel any urgency as my labour with Rosa had been about 14 hours, the first 6 or so were fairly relaxed.

 However by halfway through Rosa’s breakfast I was starting to find it hard to concentrate and the contractions were definitely getting stronger. Gareth phoned the hospice, where we had arranged for Rosa to be while we had the baby and they were great and said they’d get her room ready, bring her straight in.

 I phoned the labour ward and had a chat with them and they said they’d find someone to come out . None of us thought there was any rush though as I could still concentrate enough to make sense during contractions.
 They said the midwife might be a while but that sounded fine as I thought it might give us some time to sort our chaos out.

 G whisked Rosa off and although she had been quite amused by the noises I was starting to make I was relieved as it meant I could fully concentrate on the physical and what was happening. I went and sat on the loo again and it all reached another level of intensity.
 I started sounding and it really helped my breathing and to focus on thinning and opening. I felt so much more aware of the process this time and of everything we had learnt both in the hypnobirthing and the active birth classes. Last time I felt like the hypnobirthing fed in and really helped but it was on a subconscious level. This time I felt I was consciously drawing from what I knew.

I decided to get in the bath. I thought it would help and if it slowed things down a bit it wouldn’t be a bad thing either. G came home as I was trying to run the bath and helped me into it. He then did a super human high speed hoover and tidy. I was feeling like everything was going on very low down and I was really starting to push.

Gareth had been timing my contractions and said that when he’d started they’d been 30 seconds long and three minutes apart and the gaps just got smaller everytime until there was barely a minute between them. I felt they were coming in waves the whole morning but the sets were definitely increasing and getting closer together. I was using the sounding more and more, I surprised myself by how loud I was, mostly using ooooh! and AAAAH! As my surges got deeper and intensified so did my voice. It really felt like I was using my voice to push and squeeze downwards.

G had to give me a lot of support to get out of the bath. I had to hang off him every time a contraction came and there wasn’t much time in between them. Eventually we made it into the sitting room. I felt so happy when I saw it, I think I hadn’t really been able to imagine giving birth in there as we had had to go to hospital at the crucial moment last time.
 Gareth had made it really lovely, or so it seemed to me. It was clean and uncluttered and everything was covered in throws and towels.

 I think my only moment of anxiety had been at the beginning when I realised it was really happening and the house was such a state. I couldn’t even really sit down anywhere let alone imagine giving birth. I felt huge relief and love for him. All of this in the blink of an eye between fast and furious surges.

I asked Gareth to sit on the sofa and I knelt on the floor resting on him in between and braced by him during contractions. By this point I was really roaring, proper effective pushing with my whole self. My voice was deep down roaring him out. I said to G at that point it felt fierce, I think that describes the physical sensations really well but I felt fierce too.

 I needed to sit back for a moment and I leant my back against the birthing ball while kneeling with my legs apart. This was really intense and when I put my hand down I could feel his head. It was amazing and so exciting. I wasn’t at all bothered that the midwife wouldn’t be there. I didn’t feel like I needed anyone else.

 I felt a bit stuck in that position so we went back to the sofa. From then it was maybe two or three more pushes and I felt his head be born, it was the most wonderful and satisfying feeling. In a strange moment of clarity I saw the midwifes car pull into the drive. Another push and he came out with a splash onto the floor, he started to cry straight away .

 Gareth got out from under me and picked him up in a towel. I was stretched forward, panting on the sofa, everything felt like it was in slow motion. G told me he was a boy and I kept saying hello baby without moving, he asked me if I wanted to hold him but I needed to just stay where I was for a moment.

The midwife knocked on the door and G shouted for her to come in. She came into the hall all of a bustle saying sorry she was late, traffic etc. and she came into the room and said oh my god you’ve delivered! It was perfect timing as far as I was concerned as she was able to do check him out and make sure my placenta came out completely, which it did without the need for the third stage injection.

Ithan and I had lovely naked cuddles for quite a while until the cord was cut after the pulsating had stopped. He didn’t feed straight away but nuzzled around lots and I felt elated and so very lucky. I had a tiny tear but it didn’t need stitches so by lunchtime the midwife had gone and we were eating scrambled eggs on toast and wondering if it had really happened!

Thank you so much for helping me to have an amazing birth experience. I will treasure the memories of Ithan’s arrival for ever. The classes empowered me and meant I felt confident and in control and was able to trust my body and my baby completely.

Love and the Second Child

I have a very close and open group of women in my Thursday session at the moment, and unusually, a large number of them are on their second or third child. Our circle time regularly develops into very full and frank discussions about all manner of things, and this week we arrived at the topic of love and the second child.

It has become apparent to me that almost all second time Mums experience anxiety in some form or other over how the love will work when split between two children. I myself experienced a great deal of anxiety as the birth of my second child approached. I couldn't conceive of how I was going to love two children, and where the love for an other child would come from. I felt that I could no more love a second child than I could love a second Husband, or a second Mother.
And these feelings seem to be a common theme. Either feelings of concern over having enough love for a second child, or worries about how the first child will suffer as affections are diverted and watered down.

The moments after the birth of my first child brought overwhelming wonder at the miracle of love and creation, the moments following my second child's birth made me laugh out loud and cry with joy at the cleverness of nature and the endless possibilities of love.

Because at the moment I looked at my second child's face my love, and ability to love, expanded, doubled, tripled even. In one powerful and overwhelming moment I became infinitely more capable of love and loving.

When I have spoken to other women following the births of the their second children they have reported similar experiences in one form or other. And all have confirmed my feeling that we can't really comprehend how it will happen, until it does.

And this is one of natures gift to us, and as with so many of the gifts we receive, we don't know what we are going to get until we have been given it. So we have to trust, and understand, that we are provided for. That what we need, we have, and have only to wait and trust in our own resources and we will be shown, time and time again, that nature has got us covered.

A Birth - baby Katie Enns

Congratulations to Natalee and Jim on the birth of their second daughter, Katie. Natalee phoned me and said it had been a very good birth, at home in the birth pool. Katie was born on Wednesday 14th July, and weighed 7lb 11.5 oz.
Natalee said everyone was doing very well, although she had forgotten how tired you feel!

Barnstaple - Couples Workshop, July '10

Well, despite some very late minute re-arranging due to venue booking issues, the workshop went ahead in the alternative venue of Victoria House Children's Centre. This was nostalgic for me as Victoria House was where I first started teaching my classes, before Fred was born.
Despite not having quite as much room as at Sticklepath we managed very well and it was an added bonus to have the use of the sensory garden for wandering around at lunch time.

It was lovely as ever to meet all the Fathers, and to have a couple join us from the Bumps to Babies group as well. 

Our next Workshop is also booked in at Victoria House so maybe if the weather is better we can make even more use of the fantastic gardens

Barnstaple - Classes re-starting

The date for the re-start of the weekly classes has been set for Thursday 17th of June. We have a totally fresh group of women starting together and I'm looking forward to meeting everybody.